Avoid Parenting Burnout by Sharing the Mental Load at Home
Brought to you by Maple
Parenting is the most important job we will ever have, and one of the most difficult.
While parenting is difficult for all of us, in most households an outsized share of responsibility falls on mothers.
Research shows that women spend two times the time on unpaid work, much of that around the house.
For many families, that includes the majority of household responsibilities. Entertaining the kids, scheduling appointments, organizing family events, household chores, shopping for the whole family … on and on. The unpaid work takes a lot of time. But more than that, it’s mentally exhausting.
In addition to the toll this work takes on the parents, the tension caused by the lack of equity in the home can have a negative impact on the children.
Our mission at Maple has always been to reduce the pressures of running a household by making it easier to work together. Whether you’re a two parent household or a single parent, improving family organization goes a long way. So here are five ways that parents and caretakers can better work together:
Maple
All-in-one household management app
Maple is an all-in-one household management app that keeps your home organized and working together. Free for all users, Maple enables families to plan, schedule, share lists, work together, and stay organized from anywhere.
Maple’s mission is to improve the quality of life for families. Managing a household is chaotic, and much of that responsibility often falls on a single primary caregiver. Maple helps families work together through better visibility, communication, accountability, and automation. Maple is the first tech product of its kind that is truly built for home management.
1. Establish the depth of household labor
Working together begins when both parents (or other caretakers like family or nannies) understand everything that needs to be accomplished. This means getting everything down on a piece of paper (or within your Maple App). List out the regular exercises like grocery shopping, kids activities, and chores around the home. And the less frequent items like doctor appointments, paying bills, and larger home projects. You’ll quickly see that there is A LOT going on for both parties.
Once you have this list of items, you can begin chatting through who is responsible for what and begin setting expectations for the future. Maple can be a massive help for both tracking regular to-dos and scheduling out important events. The tools give everyone visibility into these items, creating a natural sense of teamwork.
2. Have the hard conversation
Creating organization is step one, but it’s not a miracle solution. In most households, there are unspoken frustrations that have built up over time. Often around the little things, like household chores or scheduling conflicts. In order for your household to move forward together, you need to get these frustrations out in the open. In most cases, giving your partner this inside scoop on where you need help will create greater empathy and understanding.
Once those big hairy problems are out on the table, work together on joint solutions. Perhaps dad can tackle grocery shopping once a week. Maybe the kids need to take more responsibility with household chores. Or it may be opening up a new, clear line of communication between partners with a positive tone. Each joint decision takes pressure off mom and builds additional trust between partners.
3. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
Once you’ve kicked-off this process, it’s important to not lose ground! It’s easy for your busy schedule to take over and slip back into old habits. Fight back against poor follow-through by setting regular weekly check-ins.
This can be different for every family, but start with a scheduled, once-a-week meeting to go over the schedule and how your new agreed upon process is going. Without a doubt, you will need to make adjustments and additions to your original plan. Life throws curve balls. The key is staying on top of the changes as they arise and willingness to work together.
Pro tip: If you can, plan to have this conversation when you and your partner are mentally the freshest, whether that is over a fresh cup of coffee in the morning or on a walk in the evening.
4. Express Gratitude
You work hard for your family. Your partner works hard for your family. Knowing it and saying it out loud are two different things. Showing gratitude through a simple “thank you” or positive reinforcement around specific acts will go a long way. It doesn’t cost you anything to say, “Thanks for taking the kids to the park this afternoon, I really needed those two hours of solitude.”
5. Ask for Help
Remember that you’re not in this alone. Allow yourself to accept assistance from family and friends, as most of them have been in a similar situation and understand your circumstances.
Work ahead to schedule a night with grandparents or aunts/uncles. Ask a close friend if they want to do a dinner swap. Let the neighbor kid walk the dog. Or work grocery delivery into the family budget from time to time. Don’t be afraid to get a little creative for how and when you ask for help. More often than not, people want to help parents however they can – because families are the backbone of our society.
Organizing and planning for your household takes time, but the pay off is well worth the up-front investment. If you’re looking for tools to help you through this process, give Maple a try. Our team is made up of parents, committed to helping households work better together.
Maple
All-in-one household management app
Maple is an all-in-one household management app that keeps your home organized and working together. Free for all users, Maple enables families to plan, schedule, share lists, work together, and stay organized from anywhere.
Maple’s mission is to improve the quality of life for families. Managing a household is chaotic, and much of that responsibility often falls on a single primary caregiver. Maple helps families work together through better visibility, communication, accountability, and automation. Maple is the first tech product of its kind that is truly built for home management.
Positive parenting leads to positive futures for generations to come.
American SPCC provides parenting education and support as the most effective way to support families and nurture children. The following resources are made possible through contributions by child and family advocates like you.
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