SILENCED – A Poem

He came into my life
He laughs
knowing he’s all controlling
Fear fell upon my face
And mom
mom is without knowing
His hugs are deceiving
His smile is evil
Even his laugh is misleading
He came in at night
To steal my heart of any light
His grip always tight
His words caused much fright
His actions made me want to flee
But where would I go and who would believe
Feeling unprotected
I soon felt neglected
Bruises, scars, broken bones
Meetings with people I didn’t know
Do they want to help or just stare in unbelief

Flashing came from behind the cameras
Jail time for this monster
Maybe, just maybe, this will be his end.

Dear God, please let my monster stay away.

No!!!

He came back with his smirk
What I thought was his ending was only his beginning

Unwilling to work
While he promises good to our family
He falls back quickly once mom goes to work
Nothing can make this man go away
My monster is still here
Bringing pain from his hands
And all sorts of fear

No one stepped in to keep my monster away
I felt unseen, unheard and misunderstood

Run but I couldn’t hide
Try as I might to get away
He pulled me close and made me stay
With hugs at night and tears in his eyes
Always trying to make his wrongs, right
With his, “I love you’s and promises to do right”
His apologies were just excuses
To begin his abuses
One moment he’s sorry,
the next he’s not
Ready to punish me
For the demons inside of him

Head butts that made me unconscious
Belt whipping that turned into beatings
Late night drives that tormented my nights
These were nightmares
That were my real life

Hide the knives!
Find the remote!
Hide my emotions from his hands that caused fight
Fright to my night that once held light
His evil smirk
His evil laugh
Studies of trying to solve why he hated me
Led me to hating me

Hide what I like
Do what he likes
Become invisible
To protect the ones who are visible

Don’t show my struggle
Stay still until he’s done
Controlling
Hands over my lips
Speak of this and you will slip
Slip onto his words
Fall into his grip
The grip of fear
The grip that holds life
The one to cause death

Speak?
Well of course my dear
But speak of the pain that I caused
And it will bring you all sorts of fear
So speak of this
to no one.

—Veronica, Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

October 24, 2018