MY CHILDHOOD MEMORY

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When I was about 6 years old, my family and I traveled overseas for the summer to visit my father’s side of the family. I remember being so excited, I was finally going to meet my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. My grandma shook my hand and had the sweetest smile, all my aunts and uncles showered me with gifts and love and toys. My family and I were going to stay in the same large apartment with the rest of the family, so my older brother Michael slept with his cousin, Jake and I slept with his younger sister, Fiona.

During the first week, when we were about to go to bed, Fiona asked if I wanted to play a game. She was about nine at the time, I was about six. I said sure, because I thought playing a big kid game would be so amazing, and I felt happy she took an interest in me. I remember vividly her pink tank top and her jean capris. I thought maybe we would be styling each others hair. She told me to take off my pants, and I got quiet. I complied, because I never knew any better, my parents never explained “privates”, they didn’t think that they would have to. She then told me to take off my clothes. She said we were going to play doctor, so I should lay on the bed. She then proceeded to sexually abuse me. Then she would get undressed, and tell me to do the same to her.

This happened for three months, and I remember feeling so dirty. We would take baths together, and she would just stare.

After we came back home, I tried to get it out of my mind, I remember thinking that it was weird, but not bad essentially.

Two years later, I told my mom, after learning that actions like that were not normal. She told me that I made it up, it didn’t happen, we were only kids, to forget it, so I did. I honestly didn’t even remember it until my anxiety has been acting up, and I started having flashbacks, where it all comes back to me. I haven’t seen her since, and I hope I won’t. But that doesn’t mean the experience doesn’t haunt me, that it doesn’t linger in my mind, making me question all of it, because it does.

—Jasmine

October 22, 2017

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