HOPE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE
HOPE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE
Let me start off by saying, I understand pain. It sucks. I know.
But we have to keep on.
I struggled with PTSD until I learned the key to overcoming it. FORGIVENESS. If you had truly forgiven them then you wouldn’t struggle with it. A small part of you still holds a grudge. You can’t live as a victim and that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re a survivor now. That part of your life is over. Thank God.
I was abused mentally and physically all my life. I watched porn, drugs, and alcohol ruin my family. When I was 4, my mother forced me to pose naked for a man neither of us had ever met so he would perform sexual favors for her. I grew up hating myself and feeling like my body was made for a man’s pleasure. Honestly that isn’t the case. I always felt uncomfortable around men and even women.
At 5, I remember my Mom and Dad arguing and they called me annoying and called my Grandma to come and get me. At 6, my mother left me for a man. The way she looked at me, like she had never known me, haunted me. I threatened to kill myself.
At 7, that man tried to kidnap me and my best friend Tori, multiple times. He beat my Mom and she showed up at our door bloody. At 8, my father left me and I lost it. At 9, I knew I was depressed and was having flashbacks of things that I didn’t want to remember. At 10, I began to believe everything I was having drilled into my head. At 11, I made my first cut and fell down that hole. At 13, I HATED myself. At 14, I was put into a mental hospital twice.
I met my best friend, but it never really helped. December of 2016 I was molested by a ‘friend’ that I trusted with my life. I started dating a 22 year old in March and got a lot of slack for it. The people I trusted most turned on me so I tried to kill myself. March 12th at 1:26 pm I took 22 vistaril and 15 melatonin. It didn’t work.
I don’t know what will happen next. I just know where I am now. 15, with a few close friends and a hope for a brighter future…
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November 24, 2017