My abusive childhood set a pattern for me to marry an abusive husband. I lived in denial for many years because it was hard for me to accept that I had repeated the pattern set from my childhood, and because we were educated since I was earning my doctorate at the University of Southern California while he had a masters degree in business. Also, we lived in an affluent part of Los Angeles near the beaches and I believed the false notion that horrible things could not happen to people in a beautiful neighborhood.
The violence had become so awful that my jaw was bilaterally dislocated during one of his “raging” episodes. The emotional and mental abuse had begun years prior. I left the marriage with my two children while he was away by the recommendation of a domestic violence support and prevention group. It was hard for me to keep anything from him since I had made a commitment to always be honest with him on our wedding day, but I knew that it had become necessary to give myself and my children a chance to leave safely. I had let him know during previous attempts to leave our residence, which would always end badly. I knew that it wasn’t a risk that I could take again. He tormented me during our divorce proceedings and had threatened to kill me. This time I had the law enforcement department help me, which mitigated his behavior temporarily. I knew that the real battle was in my mind, how could I have ended up with an abuser after I dealt with my experiences with childhood abuse in counseling?
I decided to take a multi-faceted approach to my recovery and healing this time and to take many measure to ensure that the pattern would not repeat again. I attended and completed a Step Study through a program called Celebrate Recovery. I began training in martial arts that focused on empty hand and close quarters combat such as, Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and Kali. I also took an accelerated online emotional abuse recovery class based in the United Kingdom that helped me learn to retrain my subconscious mind, which helped considerably! Each of these approaches to treatment helped me begin to retrain my mind, habits, and choose better and healthier relationships!
I completed my doctorate degree and now work independently as I continue to raise my children in a happy, healthy, and positive home environment! I believe that it is possible to destroy unhealthy patterns and create newer healthier habits that become the patterns in your future!
March 30, 2018
Help others by sharing your story of inspiration and hope.