What I call, nurturing presence, is the foundation for a relationship that nurtures the infant brain. It is not something for us as parents to do, it is a way of being in the relationship. We start by recognizing that our babies, starting in the womb and throughout the 3 years of infancy, are whole little human beings seeking relationship with us. They need unconditional acceptance and connection from us in all their states and emotions, whether happy, sad, angry, tired, or excited. Our nurturing presence meets and accepts who they are right now and does not try to change them or reject them. We are open to everything our baby is, just as they are.

Our babies and children unconsciously ask four key questions of parents and caregivers. These were created by psychotherapist Katherine Schafer, inspired by conversations with Oprah Winfrey, Toni Morrison, and Maya Angelou. They are:

1. Do you see me?
2. Do you care that I’m here?
3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?
4. Can I tell that I’m special to you by the way that you look at me?

We have a nurturing presence for our babies when they know that the answer to these questions is a resounding YES!

So let’s take a look at some examples of what “nurturing presence” might look like in pregnancy, birth, and infancy.

Nurturing Presence in Pregnancy

Babies can be seen and cared for on an emotional level. This can include:

• Singing and talking to baby – they will recognize parent’s voices and be calmed by familiar songs when they are born
• Reading baby books – babies will pay attention to the book when they are born, a good example of a book is Brown Bear
• Practicing stress reduction – baby’s emotional brain benefits when you practice regular mindfulness, breathing practice, meditation, movement

Nurturing Presence throughout Infancy

From 0-3 years, we can provide littles with a nurturing presence as much as possible. This can include:

• Acceptance of the full range of our baby’s emotions. They are enough regardless of the amount of stress in their bodies.
• Understanding that we are our baby’s safe place, when they need us they need us. Often they need constant or near constant contact with us for all of infancy.
• Daily baby chats where we are regulated and open, we sit face to face with our baby and make eye contact. We listen for our baby’s communication, return communication and go back and forth in conversation.
• Unconditional support for our baby’s stress where we provide our physical and emotional presence while our baby moves from high stress back to calm. Babies are not able to do this on their own and feeling stress is not manipulation. We do not reject or shame our babies for feeling stress.